TRUE FRIENDS walk forever, beyond words, beyond distance and beyond time.
Friendships form an integral part of our development. During childhood we begin to navigate the intricate world of building relationships with one another. Watching my own children in their early years gave me fascinating insight into the delicate and empowering world of friendships. I would observe as they tentatively began to form friendships with other children that shared their zeal for life and their excitement for play.
The development and drama of friendships during our school years dominate our very existence and can shape the way we view friendship for the rest of your lives. Teachers, Educational Psychologists and School Counsellors, spend a huge amount of time observing children and how they engage with each other. They observe how children navigate the ups and downs of friendship and the building of relationships. It is during this time, friendships will either be a risk to a child's mental health or contribute to strengthening their resilience.
Friendships are extremely important and even more so during this Covid pandemic. More and more we recognise the importance and the value of friendships and relationship. There is something really quite unique and endearing when you hear that someone celebrates friendship in excess of 30 years. The friendship that survives good times and the bad times, the friendship that is not afraid to hold your hand and wipe away the tears or even to care for you when you're sick.
But what happens when you've not had positive early experiences of friendship? What happens when the word 'friendship' bring up all kinds of negative memories? Like any other trauma in our lives, we become wary of friendship because friendship equals pain.
When delivering self development courses for women and girls around the subject of friendship; I first start by asking if they consider themselves to be a good friend? I then instruct them to list the ways that they think they are. Often we always want others to meet our needs but we feel we are exempt from meeting theirs.
We want friends to be there when we call on them, we want friends to be there when we need of them in the middle of the night, when we’ve had a break up with a boyfriend or going through a divorce? We want friends to be there if we are finding it hard to make the rent because we have lost our job. Being a friend does not mean you are a 'doormat'. A true friend is someone that you feel absolutely comfortable with when sharing your innermost feelings, someone you can be vulnerable with. A friend is someone who will be honest with you in love, not spite.
I think it’s really important to be able to look at the dynamic within our friendships. We need to be able to recognise what type of friend we are. Are we the friend that rescues or are we the friend that is always in need? Maybe you compare yourself or look down on your friend, using their life to spread malicious gossip? Ask yourself, is this really the type of friend you want to be? Will this friendship last a lifetime with its roots firmly planted in good soil or is likely it will fade with time?
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On the negative side, friendships can be intricate, complex, highly unstable or even destructive but the ultimate aim must be to develop healthy relationships in all areas of our lives.
'The Eve Project' seeks to develop programmes, interactions and interventions that will bring women and girls together from all areas and backgrounds and begin to build a solid foundation of lifelong friendship and support. It is here we will begin to understand what it means to value one another without judgement.
